Rug Life Chronicles

Theraputic

2006-10-27T23:25:00.000-06:00

It's been a bit since I've written in here. I've been busy. Truth is I wasn't motivated to write. I haven't been in a while. I've been feeling like shit, mentally. I feel like my life is such a joke. I'm not happy, I can't get excited about anything, and I feel like I’m worthless. I'm paranoid constantly about how people feel about me. I'm not sure any of this happened. I hate it. So, like most people should do, I'm going to therapy. My therapist recommended I write in a journal, at least about what she and I talk about. So, that's why I'm here.

Well, that's a lie. That's not the only reason I'm here. I mean, I guess this is going to be cathartic. Maybe. I just wish I had someone to talk to. But this therapist is at least better than that last guy I went to. Ironically, he is her supervisor or something to that effect. He basically looks over her cases and such. But I found that guy to be kind of vapid. His responses, while mostly just a basic acknowledgment of the problems I was expressing, were pretty much hollow, ineffective. This new lady is much better.

And by that I mean she has already exposed a couple massive flaws in my personality. The first of which, I hadn't ever really considered. I mean, I've thought if it once or twice vaguely, but not really. She suggested that, because of my heart condition, because I was always in hospitals at a young age until about the age of nine, I had I never really had a child hood. I wasn't given the early opportunity to build relationships the way other kids did. I wasn't in social settings long enough to develop the idealistic Degrassi style plutonic and romantic relationships that I so desperately long for.

If you don't know what I mean, it's simple. I've always wanted a group of friends, six or so, and have them all be friends, and always have one of them to be around at any given time. That kind of thing rarely actually happens, and when it does, it usually has a foundation built around some sort of activity, i.e. sports.

The second flaw she started to peel away at slowly with the tip of her fingernails was my all-around sense of regret and self-loathing. You know, the fact that I blame myself for everything. That I always wonder what it is about me that prohibits me from easily making friends, or be attractive to the opposite sex. Or the fact that I constantly desire to do the things that others in my life have done.

I don't know which part is worse: that I constantly want to know what/how people think/feel about me, that I hate myself for not being the type of person people want, or the fact that I hate myself even more for the other two parts.

What was this supposed to accomplish? This journal writing, I mean, besides allowing me to drink a cup of tasty vitriol? I'm home on a Friday night, missing an early Halloween party because I didn't feel like going, and instead I'm here, putting the exact amount I hate myself in writing. This is sad.

I was wrong. This isn't cathartic. The hell does that therapist know, anyways?

"Sometimes, you just gotta roll with the shoryukens..."

2006-02-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

I’m constantly amazed at just how short-sighted people are. Recently, Gamespot reported that the The Sex Workers Outreach Project USA is joining Jack Thompson and “mothers-against-raising-children” types—or MARC, as I call them—in calling for a ban of the Grand Theft Auto franchise, and societies current whipping dog, Take-Two Interactive. In their claim, they sight a document from 2001 released by National Institute on Media and the Family, using choice quotes that discuss the well being of children.

Yeh, because I want fucking hookers talking about the safety of my kids. We live in a sad world when a video game is attributed to the downfall of a moral society more than women who sell their bodies for meaningless sex. This group of Hooters rejects also claims that despite “adamantly opposed to any and all forms of censorship, as concerned parents themselves, they wish to inform other parents of the potential danger extremely violent video games pose to children.” Now, I'm not saying that prostetution is any less "moral", or destructive to society. Quite frankly, prostetution has been around for a very long time, and in itself should be legalized, in my opinion--though, lets do a better job of it then Germany did. However, I wonder how many of these people have told their children about their lines of work, and the amount of drugs, disease, and physical abuse is involved in it. I can bet that a majority of the protesters haven't, and are just joining the bandwagon that seems to be running Take-Two over.

Do these people just ignore every piece of counter-point that the ESA and ESRB throw at them? Did they not see the complete turn around that NIMF made in their last report card of the ESRB which was funded by a for-profit-organization? Or are they just all in that companies pocket?

Secondly, there is not a shred of scientific evidence to prove that there is any correlation between video-game violence and behavioural changes in children. Not one. However, there is plenty of conducted and released in plain view by the ESRB noting that 82% of parents use their ratings system, read the content descriptors, and make judgements based on them. Now, fine, it’s perfectly viable that the ESRB could be fudging that stuff in order to make a claim that helps them. I’m not naïve enough to completely ignore that possibility. Yet these groups have no interest in debunking the results given by groups like the ESRB that state that gaming does not hurt children have as much as their parents seem to. They’d rather make ridiculous claims about being able to rape prostitutes in GTA—which, quite frankly, I would like them to be forced in a chair and play the game until they can demonstrate that for the public. I’ve been playing GTA for years, and have never once been able to rape anyone. I guess they’d still consider Ving Rhames getting fucked in the ass while being ball-gagged art, but not when it’s digital.

I just can never understand where these people get off? I mean, I’m starting to slowly understand that these people are no where near the majority. They are just a minority of ignorant people caught up in the current wave of mainstream neo-conservatism, trying to save themselves by making sure they can sit their children in front of a television and let puberty and The Brats do the rest. Their voice is slowly dying, and for that, I am grateful.

I’m also grateful that Uwe Boll is deciding to stop making game movies after Far Cry. Guess he finally realized that gamers want him to fucking stop. That’s the best decision that man ever made.

"The one time of year that single girls are most depressed and go down faster than the second tower"

2006-02-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

Man, there are so many games coming out in the next little while that I am excited about. While the 360 totally captivated the Christmas market, February/March is going to be a time of some wicked, wicked shit.

First up, Fight Night Round 3 . Now, I’ve always kind of been a fan of boxing games. I mean, who doesn’t like Super Punchout, right? The one thing that’s really sold me on this game his how freaking amazing it looks. Obviously, the 360’s going to have sharper visuals than any other console, but in this game’s case, the difference is drastic. There’s sweat, blood, rippling skin as a punch lands. This game looks freaking great. They’ve also tuned up the season mode from Round 2, giving it a bit more of a story—though, we’ll see how fleshed out that really is. Round 2’s season mode, while fun, was pretty one dimensional.

One game I’m really interested in seeing go gold is D&D: Stormreach. The idea of a D&D MMO is, quite frankly, pretty obvious, but from the beta and the stress test, I must say I’m not all that impressed. Now, keep in mind, I’m a WoW player, which means I like my MMO’s sharp. If there’s one thing about WoW I like more than, say, Star Wars Galaxies, is that there aren’t glaring visual and mechanical bugs. People can bitch about balancing issues all they want, but quite frankly, I think Galaxies proves that the game could be much worse.
Sorry, tangent. Stormreach looks interesting, and it will be interesting to see if the multi-classing and the “Everquest II but actually artistic” graphical style can win people over. Don’t expect a WoW killer here, but we’ll see just how far Turbine can take this game.

There’s also 24: The Game. Yeah, yeah, I know, television-to-game conversions never really pan out. This one makes me kind of hopeful though. The textures seem kind of gritty, though the character models and face are pretty good, plus they got the original cast to do the voice work—Keifer at his finest. The interrogation sequences seem very well done, capturing the intensity of the show very well. The action sequences, however, seem kind of clunky, so we’ll see how that pans out.

It’s near the end of March where we get into the real heart of it. There’s Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion , which is probably one of the most anticipate sequels so far this year. I was never a huge Elder Scrolls fan, but lately I’ve been on a huge RPG crave, so this has really peaked my interest. One thing Morrowind had going for it was an insanely open-ended storyline and great graphics. All of that seems to still be present here, but so is the first person hack-and-slash style mechanics that kind of turned me off from the series in the first place. I guess I’m just falling into the hype, but I may be turned into a fan when it hits shelves.

I’ve already mentioned just how much I’m looking forward to Splinter Cell: Double Agent . This game looks to completely revolutionize and revitalize the franchise by turning Fisher into a NOC agent, working undercover. Basically, Fisher’s daughter dies, and to work through his grief, Lambert makes him covert, since Fisher can’t be trusted to do his regular splinter cell duties. I like the idea of mixing the original stealth mechanics of the series with a more “off the leash” attitude. There hasn’t been too much shown gameplay wise, so we’ll have to wait and see just how this works together.

Last, but definitely not least, Kingdom Hearts II . I cannot freakin’ wait for this game. Kingdom Hearts was one of those games that, on paper, should never have been as popular as it was. The mechanics weren’t all that innovative, the camera was blocky, and the platforming was pretty average. But for all its average qualities, the presentation was just so perfect that all those minor problems seemed like they somehow fit with what they wanted the game to be. KH II promise even more of the same stuff that true gamers fell in love with. It’s going to be freakin’ awesome.

Smite! I be Richard James, Harlot!

2006-02-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

Before I even begin this article, let’s get the formalities out of the way: I’m a 20 year old virgin. That’s right, only 20 years left to go. Being of the unsexed persuasion, it still surprises me that, even in this day-and-age, virginity still has such a stigma surrounding it. I mean, with liberal feminism telling girls to “free” themselves sexually and the natural bravado of male insecurity, it’s not exactly easy for one to justify the choice of being a virgin at my age—and yes, it’s a choice. The truth is, though, that there are plenty of benefits to being a virgin…at least I’m pretty sure they’re benefits.
Now, people who make a conscious decision to be a virgin do so for many reasons. Personally, I’ve abstained because I think losing your virginity is a very important step in personal development. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the “Clinton” definition of sex—where intercourse is sex, and the rest is what you make of it. But, in that regard, sex itself is a very vulnerable and emotional act that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and should be done with someone you trust, if not love. I mean, as great as the pressure is to lose your virginity, the pressure to do it well is even greater. Let’s be real though, no man is good their first time. You can train yourself in all the foreplay and read all the faulty and completely subjective sex-help books you want, but the sad fact is, 90 per cent of men do not do that well their first time. If you do it with someone you trust, and have an emotional connection with, then you can be secure enough to know that, when you inevitably fail, you’ll have someone who’ll support you and let you try again.
Now, some of you are probably thinking “But dude, that’s so fucking…gay!” That makes you insecure. Other, more rational people are probably either agreeing with me, or still straddling the fence—and you can be your sweet ass that was a pun. Well, from my experience, another more surprising benefit to being a virgin at our age group is that there are plenty of women out there who find this quality appealing. Those not stained by having Paris Hilton as their role model—or conversely, Anne Coulter—want someone that is mature and, well, sensitive. These women know that the person they have feelings for—that’s you—isn’t some schmuck with an STD count longer than he is. That’s not to say that promiscuity leads to being disease riddled, but it’s not exactly safe either. Showing that you can make a mature decision on such an important matter can, oddly enough, get you a lot of tang.
So, you can see, virginity isn’t all that big a deal, if it’s for the right reasons. I mean, god knows you don’t want to be one of those people that never get any attention from whichever sex you prefer, doomed to obscurity by your passion for video games and social awkwardness. Heh…yah, that would suck. I on the other hand, am completely happy with my choice, and hope that this gives you people a little more insight on the matter. Just remember, not every virgin is a loser. Some of us just like it that way.

"We used to watch pornography...now it's the Horchow collection"

2006-01-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

Well, it sure has been a while. What with finals and holidays and my abject laziness, I haven't gotten around to updating this for the perhaps three people that read it. Either way, here it goes.

I've decided against putting all of my gaming stuff into Like Minded Gamer, because this is the place I like to rant this most :). I'll still put any reviews/ideas/features that I create into there, but all my likes/dislikes are staying right here.

That being said, I've started into a new venture that will hopefully keep me occupied and motivated for a long time. Some fellow Gateway writers and I are creating our own website. Exciting, no? It will encompass a lot of different geeky entertainment avenues...but we won't go too deep into it right now, for it is still early in the developmental stage. I'll keep you posted.

Now, onto the heart of things. Games. There are a couple games that I'm totally excited about. First, there is Final Fight: Streetwise, which, for those living under a rock during your younger years, is the first game in the Final Fight series in a very long time. This game looks so hilarious, to boot. Lots of out of place swearing and bashing people's heads in with weapons you should not be able to grab. IGN sums it up best:

Other neat things we've noticed in Final Fight:
Punching parking meters yields five dollars.
You can converse with people while holding a garbage can over your head.
Cops don't seem to mind you stabbing folk around them, so don't fear the man.
Kyle leaves blue trails when he's really mad.
The radioactive druggies may eventually look like the main villain from Batman Beyond.
****ing **** in the **** behind the mother****ing **** around caves and with purpose really **** like a cheetah **** in planet **** castles where Twinkies **** in a reindeer's mother****ing ****.
Kyle's girlfriend is hot, plays pool, bartends, and is apparently intimately familiar with the inner workings of local crime rings.
You can put people's heads into doors and then do bad things.

I defy any snes playing gamer to not be interested by any and/or all of this. Check it out

The other thing I'm totally balls down for, is Splinter Cell: Double Agent. It's about time they took this series in a new direction. While I liked Chaos Theory a lot more than I liked Pandora Tomorrow, they were pretty much the same game. Ubisoft is doing two smart things with this game. For one, they're giving it to their new team in Japan, which means it's a set of fresh eyes on a wicked but somewhat stagnant franchise. Secondly, they're very quiet about it. The preview in Game Informer was pretty telling, but it's still only the tip of the ice berg. This game is gonna be interesting, if not awesome.

Also, I finally bought a DS. It's a neat little gadget. It game with a Mario karat keychain :D. I need to buy Animal Crossing: Wild World and Mario & Luigi: Super Star Saga 2. Man, Animal Crossing is a bitch to find. I can't get it anywhere! I went to every EB Games, 2 Zellers', Toys R Us, Best Buy, Future Shop...I mean jesus, how many other people secretly desire this childish game? Hopefully not just me...on second thought...I'm glad I couldn't find it.

There's more, a lot more, but I'll get to it tonight or tomorrow. I've still got my whole re-invented love of philosophy to cover.

Peace

"When was the last time you saw any kind of law enforcement official wielding akimbo micro uzis?"

2005-12-08T15:41:00.000-07:00

Quick updated.

From now on, all of my gaming related stuff (which makes up most of what I write) will be on my new blog, Like Minded Gamer . I'm currently working on a reveiw for Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones . Here's a preview:

"This game fucking rocks".

Also, someone on my WoW Guild posted the 59 Facts about Chuck Norris. From what i've heard, this is an e-mail that I never got. Either way, i'm posting it, because it's gold.

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

6.Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

7.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

8.To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

9.Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favouritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

10. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

11. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

12. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

13. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

14. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

15. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

16. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

17. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

18. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

19. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

20. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

21. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

22. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

23. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

24. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and s*** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

25. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

26. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the s*** out of little kids.

27. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

28. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

29. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

30. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the s*** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

31. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

32. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

33. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

34. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

35. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

36. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

37. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

38. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

39. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

40. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "f***."

41. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

42. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

43. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

44. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

45. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

46. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

47. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

48. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

49. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

50. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

51. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. Everybody Died.

52. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

53. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

54. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

55. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

56. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

57. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

58. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's s***.

59. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

"you'd think jesus would dig the Gamecube. I mean, limited appeal..died early...what?"

2005-12-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

Prepare for the nerd-gasm that is my forth coming blog post.

I've really been tempted to by a Nintendo DS lately, mostly due to the Mario & Luigi: Super Star Saga 2. I'm a huge fan of the original Super Star Saga on the GBA. In fact, I I've loved Mario RPG games from since the first one in the old SNES day. I don't think there's a Mario RPG game I haven't liked.

Ok, so I went a little crazy with the links.

There's also Mario Kart DS which I hear is amazing. Plus, I wanna now what this whole Animal Crossing thing is about. I mean, everyone talks about it, but i've never played it. Apperantly you have like, a town, with trees. And people come to your town, or you go to theirs, and you cut down the trees. And write letters. Or something. See, this is why I need to know. I feel like I'm missing out on something big. Someone who randomly happens by wanna explain it to me? PLEASE!?

Speaking of Nintendo, (since I'm on a role), their latest announcement had me smiling all day...even if it is a bit attention seeking. I mean, they say it's a "mark your calander event", but considering they're showing it at E3, it's not like gamers are gonna forget. The day I hear a gamer go "E3? Meh, maybe I'll catch the post-show previews or something." Is the day my head explodes.

That being said, I'm really optimistic about the Revolution. Firstly, I hope that's the name they stick with. I mean I know it's just the codename (which Nintendo always does. Who here remembers the Dolphin?), but I think it's a perfect fit for the console, since I think it'll revolutionize the coming console wars.

Now, most of you are either not reading this or going "Dude, you're a nerd. I'd beat you up in high school". But for those of you who are gamers, you're thinking "Are you fuX0red, you Nintendo L337ist?" The answer to that is, learn english.

The fact is, when the Gamecube came out, it wasn't anything new. The N64 was an amazing system that defined so much of it's generation in terms of the kinds of games that were realeased for it. The GC however, was not. It's sad really, because it has more power both graphically and processor-wise than the Xbox or the PS2. he biggest problem was that it could never get third-party licencing. No one would release cool games on the system, and when they did, it was like a year after. RE4 was one of the few games on the console that rocked the industry. It was literally the game that made people go "that console is worth buying". Too bad it was about 4 years too late. Plus, most people said that 'cause you can pick it up for $65.

The Revolution, however, is someting different. It may be a bit premature, but I think it's going to be the top console, if not second. There's just...something about it. Maybe it's the mystery--I mean, the controller itself makes me fall in love with the thing every time I see it. There's alot of ambiguity, but I can't wait till E3. It's gonna be awsome.

"blarg blarg honk honk? Who the fuck wants to hear that!?"

2005-11-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

There's a lot I want to talk about, so lets get right to it.

Firstly, I love the fucking internet. Despite the rampant pornography, there is a lot of hilarious stuff out there. For starters, Uncylopedia is hysterical. I personally recommend looking up George Orwell. I didn't know he was a chef. Also, the Super Mario post is pretty funny.

I...suddenly forgot the other sites I was gonna talk about. I'll bring them up later.

I've desperately been trying to ignore this, but working in computer retail--and the fact that I just wrote a Gateway article relating to it--has prevented me from avoiding the subject. I'm really pissed off about this whole Xbox 360 shortage. I think it's really stupid, for a couple reasons.

The most pertinent of which is the fact that, quite frankly, it's really irritating to have 36 (and counting) pre-orders, and only eight premiums sent to us. Not to mention that there's no way to know whether we'll get another one before Christmas. Now, Microsoft's excuse is that they had to do this in order to have a "world wide launch". Bullshit. World wide launch is the worst idea in the world. I mean, producing a console is not fucking cheap. In the first year of the last gaming cycle, none of the three major companies turned in a profit, and this cycle looks to be worse. So shouldn't the idea be to make as much money back as fast as possible? How does world wide launch help that? It doesn't, that's how. The idea that it creates "higher demand" is crap, because by the time more systems get shipped, demand will turn into irritation, and people will become just cynical enough to start thinking logically about the whole thing--meaning they'll wait till PS3 comes out.

The other thing that really pisses me off about it is the fact that this pretty much spits in the face of the gaming industry's stance on re-sale of gaming products. They hate stores like EB , because they sell used games, and sell them well. So what has MS done? Well, their ingenious world wide launch has inflated the re-sale market of the 360, allowing it to be sold on eBay for $22,000. If you think I'm exaggerating, go look it up. It's fucking ridiculous.

One last thing. My girl Laura, the appreciative friend that she is, sent me the link to an article--called An Ode to Nice Guys--written for an Op-Ed paper at the University of Philadelphia. It made me smile.

Now, I don't have tons to say on the subject. I mean, almost all of my friends are girls--though that's certainly changed with the influx of Gateway friends this year. Personally, I like to consider myself one of these "nice guys". Despite my abrasive, say-what-I-want-when-I-want attitude, there's nothing I wouldn't do for my friends. They're the people I respect the most, and have earned my helping hand, in whatever situation. However, I will say this: the idea that great girls only date assholes is overblown. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Most of the things written in that article have happened to me at one point or the other--though In my case it was GTA: Vice City. The fact is, however, that guys do the same thing. They go after girls they can't have, they date cunts who trick them into believing they're being treated fairly. They date girls who control their lives, shit all over their hobbies and desires, and make their lives center around their female companions. It's disgusting. Quite frankly, the biggest threat to a nice guy isn't an asshole guy; it's a cunty girl. They'll use you, they'll take advantage of you, and they'll make you wish you didn't like the way they can squeeze the tip of your cock with their pussy. So beware, my fellow nice guys: assholes are not your enemy. They'll help you get laid in the future. Watch out for the bitchy women, because they will destroy you, make you bitter, and turn you into an asshole.

And with that, I only have one more thing to say:

"kinda like a line up of heroine addicts and running out halfway through.."

2005-11-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, the next generation has come.

Xbox 360 is here. Before we get into that, lets talk about one thing: I fucking hate gamers. I hate stupid people who are so unable to hold it in their pants, they get their moms to call our store and threaten to call head office and complain, to which I so wanted to reply "Here, use my cell phone. Just see what happens. Oh, what's that, you were bluffing? Oh? Oh? BITCH SLAP!"

Though, the only reason it bothers me so much is because I would have done some of the same things. If a next gen system came out, and I was buying it on pre-order, I'd take like a week off of work/school to play it, which is what most people did.

Now, the system itself, as far as just functionality and aesthetics, is freakin pretty. I mean, there are so many different little features. The circle around the power button lights up in different sections for different things (i.e online updates, messages, yadda yadda). It's fairly thin, especially compared to the original, piece of shit Xbox. However, the only way they could do that is by adding this enormous power brick that you'll still have to hide some where (though former Xbox owners have space in their asses from where the original system fucked them).

But I still have to say that the amount and quality of launch games is just not worth paying the launch price for either core or premium. Wait till PS3 comes out, because prices will drop, and when they do, you'll be happier for it.

More later.

Who, is the cat with the beak...

2005-11-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

I've become a Harvey Birdman fanboy. Lillwall had recommended it to me for quite some time, so I finally caved and hemorrhaged some more money into my entertainment budgeting bracket. There's only one word to describe this show. Scrumptious.

For those who haven't seen it, the idea is that WB bought the rights to all of the Hanna Barberah characters, and used them to create shows like Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, and Sealab, on Adult Swim. I love the Birdman. I won't even bother describing it, I will just beg those who don't already own the DVD to go out and buy it.

Xbox 360 in about 2 days. This is going to be a crazy week in the world of gaming. In honor of the occasion, I'm going do to a feature for The Gateway on the top ten most influential games of all time, as voted by follow Gatewayers.

Now, I've played the system both at EB and at my store, and from what I can tell, MS has basically fucked this launch in the ass. For one thing, they've shorted everyone on purpose, leaving most stores to base pre-order priority on how many peripherals the customers bought with the system. Secondly, more than half of the launch titles are all on other systems already, which make them look like shit compared to the few 360-only titles. I mean, compare Kameo to Call of Duty 2, or PGR 3 to Need for Speed Most Wanted. Kameo and PGR look a million times better. It's going to be a slow start for 360, that's almost guaranteed. The question is, can Sony capitalize on it, or are they just gonna fuck around like they have been . I'm betting on the latter for now. Who knows, maybe Nintendo will play the whole triple-threat-match card and watch Sony and MS beat each other to death and claim top spot once again. Vive la Revolution!

There was a party last night in honor of The Gateway's birthday. It was a good time. We went to Chuck-E-Cheese first, which was a rip-rorin....eh it was crap. Ok, it wasn't crap. I mean, it was fun to be a kid again, and no better group of people to do it with. I mean, cumulatively, the Gateway crew has the maturity of a nine-year-old. And playing missile Command again was friggen sweet. It was just all a little too...gah. It's a bit depressing, but it reminded me of my childhood. My lonely, friendless childhood. When all the other kids were having birthday parties at Chuck-E's, I was at home.

Actually, frienship seemed to be the theme of the night for me. Last night, I started to understand who my real friends were at The Gateway. James had mentioned earlier today--and I am inclined to agree--that Gateway parties are weird because even though they are supposed to be a place where Gateway people who don't usually talk to eachother can mingle. Unfortunately that's not the way it works. People from their respective sections tend to stick together. It feels like, if I wanted to mingle with, say, the Photogs, they wouldn't talk to me.

Last night, I realized that the people I could actually call my friends at the Gateway were both Scotts, Kendrick, and James. I mean, they have always been my friends, but I'm finally letting myself see it. I know that the only reason that is, though, is because I see them all the time at the office. If I had met them under a different type of setting, I would probably have lost touch with them, because I can't let people in very easily. But that's not a story I'm going to print in public quite yet.

I swear to god, someone's going to kill Patrick Ross before the year is over. Mark my words.

"I am Jill's nipples..."

2005-11-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

I am Ramin's desire to be a man.

Last summer, I contemplated for a long while the idea of moving out on my own. It became evident to me that, quite frankly, I can't stay with my family any longer. I feel like I've outgrown them. Wait, hold on.

Lets go back to the beginning. My family is from Iran, and so, living the Rug Life, we fit in to most of the Iranian trappings. Mainly, expectations. My sister, being the oldest, is a control freak, in my opinion. She thinks everything should be done the way she deems best--usually the exact opposite of the way she's done them, which makes me think she's also a bit protective (how sweet). I resent her more than I probably should, mostly because she used to be quite violent with me. Not to say I'm a victim here; I clearly brought it out of her.

My Mom and Dad are both people who feel their lives are unfufulled. My father should have been a teacher and my mother...Well, she never tells me what she wanted to be. She doesn't talk about herself much, because when she does it's often about how she had to raise five siblings on her own, plus take care of my paraplegic grandmother.

Then there's me. A cantankerous, sarcastic little shit (and damn proud) with a low self-esteem (mountain) dew to the fact that I didn't/don't have many friends in my life. I often claim that my big mouth has never gotten me beat up, but sometimes I think that's probably because no one pays attention. Also, I'm a bit of a drama queen.

But I also know that there are good things about me. I'm a kinisthetic learner--I learn by doing. Everything in life I've learned best when doing it myself, instead of watching others. Learn by doing, Lead by example, as the old adage I just made up goes.

Back to the summer. My parents went traveling for a month, leaving me with the house to myself. It was the best time of my life. I was completely self-sufficient: I did my own laundry, went to work, paid my bills, made my own food, stayed over at people's houses whenever I felt like it. It was the time of my life.

It was also a test for myself, to see if I could live on my own. Hell, only things I didn't do were pay my rent and live with a roommate, both of which I'm sure I could learn. So, why is it then that my family thinks moving out on my own is such a bad idea? I mean, it feels right, it's doable, everyone I know who has done it says it's great. So what gives?

The more important question, frankly, is what gives with me? Why do I care? Why do I allow myself to base all my decisions on whether or not they'll get mad at me for it? I feel like such a coward when it happens, too. My mom and my sister yell, and my dad just gets this "are you out of your fucking mind" look on his face whenever I make a suggestion for my life they don't like. My sister is the most infuriating because of her aforementioned "do it my way" attitude. She thinks the only reason to move out on your own is if you're going to a new city, like for school or some such. Her new kick is to try and force me to move to Ontario to live with her, because there are writing schools there--which I think she is just using as a convenient excuse for me to live there. She's only doing it because she wants to be closer to me, and I get that, but...damn bitch, back off!

I'm just sick of feeling like I'm not growing up as much as I should. I'm not the man I want or can be, and this feels like one thing that's holding me back from that. The biggest deal for me is that, ok yes, I don't know if school will get better if I'm on my own, or if in the long run I'll hate having no money for games/entertainment (though I'm sure I can make all that money up during Christmas sales), and I don't know how hard any of this stuff is. But for one of the few times in my life, I'm not afraid of that! That, my friends, makes me feel manly.

RIP Eddie Guerrero

2005-11-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

WWE Wrestler Eddie Guerrero passed away today at the age of 38. I will truly miss him.

Guerrero was the son of a legendary Mexican wrestler, and a man with a very long and troubled life. He battled drug addictions, bouts with the law, and attempting to live up to his family name. He was one of the greatest, most charismatic wrestlers, and one of the kindest men I've ever had the privilege of meeting.

I know it may sound a bit melodramatic, but it is times like this that I question people's faith in the all mighty. It's not fair that this man should pass of heart failure, of all things. He was a good person who fought his demons, who had a family and supported them.

Whatever...now is probably not the time for this discussion. All I ask is that those who read this take a moment of silence for this man. You may not have liked his profession, but that doesn't mean he wasn't worth respecting.

Here's to you Eddie. You lied, cheated, and stole our hearts.

"So i'm gonna put on my strappy shoes, and my teeny dress, and I'm gonna try..."

2005-11-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

Man, so much on my mind latley.

I love Real Time with Bill Maher. That guys my favorite--not because I agree with everything he says, but because I don't. I can see the logic in all that he says, but I don't go repeating all of it because i'm a fan boy. I like him because he makes me think, he makes me question things and come to my own conclusions. Obviousley, that kind of critical thinking should be required of any normal person, but it helps when there is someone that actually brings it out of you.

On friday, he brought up a point I did agree with, which is this whole "wearing Che T-shirts with designer pants" fad that's been going on for ages. Lets make one thing clear here: Your T-shirt represents (among other things) caring about underprivillaged workers; your pants were probably made by them. Che is not a fashion statement, it's a political one. If you don't know what the fuck it means, don't wear the fucking clothes.

Now, that's not to say i'm any sort of expert on the subject. I honestly don't know that much about Che. My parents love the guy (probably because they are products of Iranian revolution), but I can't really base my knowledge on what my mother tells me on the subject (though my mother is a whole differen't entry all together).

But the fact is, Marxist Revolutionaries were never fans of having their faces on shirts. Maybe posters, in an orwellian sort of way, but T-Shirts? Yeh, that's what they fought for, capitalism.

10 days till the Xbox 360. I can't believe that shit. I work at Compusmart, a canadian computer retail chain, inside West Edmonton Mall (which is the biggest mall in the world), so suffice it to say this coming console war is gonna affect me in many ways. There's so much going on though. First of all, i'm probably not the first guy to say this, but this whole "360 shortage" is a bit overblown. Think about it. MS is selling two bundles of this thing, the core system (console, one wired controller, no fixings) and a premium bundle (console, 2 wireless controllers, hard drive, HD-DVD drive for future games). All the pre-orders our store (and probably any store) has gotten is for the premium bundle, because anyone who actually cares about gaming is going to get the more expensive bundle. What this means is that most people are going to get all their pre-orders by the second shipment, if not the first, and the core bundles will all be on the shelf, waiting for whiney, impatient gamers and grandparents with christmas lists. Either way, people get a system. This isn't a fucking potatoe famine, so get over it.

Sony, on the other hand, is driving the PS3 into the ground. With the whole DMR scandal settling in the dust, they have now pattented this device that burns a marker on discs that, essentially, will prevent people from using those discs on any system other than the first one it was used on. Whether or not Sony actually can afford to use this after the whole DMR thing will be interesting. If they do, they can almost guarantee that the PS3 won't sell. Not to mention $17 million dev kits, programing that developers don't like, blah blah blah. I hope they come around soon. I'm not buying either console till ps3 comes out cause if it does suck, i'm buying cheap X360.

Oh, also, if I didn't mention it before, I write for The Gateway, the campus paper for the University i go to. Check if out if you get a chance, we got some talented guys.

I know I had more, but I can't remember. I'll prolly be back tonight.

In the beginning...

2005-11-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

Ah, another blog. How long it's been since I've written in one of these. But, seeing as how I like fads--and since my writing skills have been staggering as of late--I thought I would start one again. Help me articulate my feelings better.

Now, be warned. Most of my ramblings will be about self-deprecation and geeky game/movie stuff, with a little bit of rap music mixed in (because that's how I roll).

So, let's try an example shall we? I guess it's fitting to start by explaining the whole Rug Life thing to you people.

See, I love rap music. Not the self-serving, womenizing, consumerist, "look at my L33T cock ring" stuff that's put out now-a-days. I love the old, wholesome, self-serving, womenizing, consumerist-with-a-bit-of-social-commentary stuff that defined the 90's. So, who comes to mind when thinking of that era? No other than Tupac Amaru Shakur, who created the term Thug Life. By his definition, as I've come to understand it, Thug Life was the way life was for poor, disenfranchised black people in the ghetto.

Tangent: Is it just me or has the term "the ghetto" been used so vaguely that it's sort of like this mystical place that only black people are born, like only black storks go there to deliver black babies. I mean, there are many ghettos in many places, so "the ghetto" doesn't really mean anything.

Where was I? Oh, yes, Thug Life. So, If I haven't mentioned it already, I'm from Iran (Persia what!). I moved to Canada when I was three years old, because I have a heart condition, and Edmonton has wicked cool health care. So, being the creative little fuck that I am, I thought "So, how would I define the problems of Persian culture--what with the old people expecting you to marry and have children at the age of 20 to a rich girl/boy so you don't have to work?" Well, Persians have nice rugs. Rug, coincidentally, rhymes with Thug. Hence, Rug Life. The term to define Persian culture

Now I know that it doesn't in any way equal the social struggles that Pac was talking about, but quite frankly there's no way I could do that. I live in Edmonton. Only thing I fear here are cowboys. Well, that and religion. But that's a universal.

So there it is. Your introduction to my cantankerous irrelevance. Enjoy